The Dog Blog: June 2013

Rap Sheet

Yo, my name is Piggy, I like to get jiggy,
My butt is biggy, my belly is jiggly,
My tail is wiggly, and my rhymes are giggly.
I speak about my figure-atively,

Yeah, they call me Piggy Bank,
Buster Rhymes, The Tank,
I play in the mud,
so sometimes I'm kind of rank,
And when I act up, you bet I get a spank.
Please refill that waterbowl that I just drank.
My rap it is so dank,
Turn up the volume, let it crank.
Yo, know this ain't no prank.
When I got dumped, my heart it just sank,
Sign the form, fill in the blank,
Please adopt me so I don't go to the clank.
Or worse, have to walk the plank.

That would mean "adios, amigos, vaya con dios," curtains for me,
Bye-bye Piggy, that's plain to see.
So listen to my plea, I don't got no flea,
And will work for free doing top-notch security, Cause I'm a really good guard doggie.

So if you will agree to the adoption fee,
And all other things that are nec-e-sar-ee,
Take me out when I have to pee-pee,
Then this little Piggy goes wee-wee-wee,
All the way home with his new hom-ee.

If you believe in miracles that pigs can really fly, Then I'm definitely your go-to guy.
I will never, ever, ever tell a lie,
So please, please, please give me a try.
I'll be your loyal friend 'til the day I die.
I can stop wondering, "What? Why?"
And no longer will I cry,
Because my old family had to say good-bye.

If you give me a fresh start,
then you will play a part,
In healing my broken heart.
Come see me and the gang at PetSmart.

There, I said it, you won't regret it,
So good day, God bless.
P.S.S. Don't forget to pick up after my mess.

Signed, Piggy Bank, The Tank,
Master of the Dank.

--The Dawg Dude.

Canine Credos and Doggy Quotes, Doggy Do's and Doggy Dont's (and little lambs eat ivy)

1. Don't breed, we plead.

2. Do OPT TO ADOPT.

3. Never ever rub a dog's nose in it.

4. Take yourself and your dog(s) for a walk every day.

5. Be the pack leader.

6. Don't use the dog's name when disciplining, just say hey or chhh or something similar.

7. Do use your dog's name when praising or trying to get their attention in general.

8. Don't say down when your dog jumps up (it will be confused with lay down). Do say no, off, chhh, or hey, etc.

9. Do more tail waggin', less tale braggin'.

10. Don't hate.

11. Do great.

12. Don't abhor we implore.

13. Do adore more.

14. Do not war, nor act sore.

15. Do give succor to the poor.

16. Don't waller on the floor.

17. Do get up and explore.

6/28/13

Kingly presence.